I heard we made out
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
