He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
