I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
