I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
