get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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