tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
