Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
