i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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