please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
