We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
