Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
