I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
