the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Boobs speak an international language.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
