Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
