apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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