I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
