when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
