it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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