Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
