will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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