it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
