If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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