Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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