It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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