I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
