uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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