then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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