remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
