so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
