Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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