matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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