i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
