as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
