I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
