So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
