We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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