I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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