im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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