sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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