Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How does it feel to date your dad?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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