I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
