careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
