i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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