I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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