I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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