so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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