Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
