Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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