my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
