Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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